Saturday, August 18, 2012


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Recently I was texting (not sexting) back and forth with one of my friends, LeAnn.  During the course of conversation, I asked if she and another male friend of mine were still seeing each other.  I had recently moved so I wasn’t completely abreast to what was going on with them, but really it was more of a courtesy question than anything.  I had known him for a while, but honestly he was sort of an asshole, and the only reason I had even hooked her up with him in the first place was because she thought he was cute.

Of course I never told her I thought he was a jerk because, well, that would’ve been a blatant violation of one of the Golden Rules of Guy Code.

But anyway, back to LeAnn and our text conversation.

“Are you guys still dating each other,” I asked via text.

Her reply: “No! We officially stopped kicking it last week actually.  I finally accepted the fact that I’m old and don’t have time to waste.  But there’s no beef or anything.  I still have tons of love for him.”

To this, I texted:  “Cool.”

Which prompted her to write:  “You’re such a guy!”

“What do you mean?”

“I just mean you follow guy code, but it’s all good,” she replied back.

“Of course I do.”

“I know," she wrote.  “It’s all good.  I know most of my guy friends do.”

“Most,” was all I needed to type back.

“Yeah the awesome ones don’t.”

I never did respond back to her last jab.  I could’ve gone on some tirade about these so called “awesome dudes” who are gaining cool points with her by violating what every man knows in his heart is an absolute abomination to disobey, Guy Code.

But had I done that I would be in direct violation myself.

After this conversation of sorts, I started thinking about Guy Code quite a bit.  It had always been such an innate part of my life; I don’t think I actually ever considered what it is exactly.

I actually realized that LeAnn, unlike a lot of women was fully aware of Guy Code and serious violations.  She may not have agreed with it, but she knew it existed.  My sisters had never mentioned Guy Code to me in their lives, because hell, they tended to teeter on the belief that all men suck (not to be taken literally, at all)

And that’s when it hit me.

Maybe if women knew exactly what Guy Code was, it might help this Men and Mars; Women and Venus thing (did I say that right?).  So I set out to define Guy Code once and for all (or at least part of it, because Guy Code like guys stays the same at its core, but often changes on the periphery).

And then I got stuck.  Because part of me felt like by putting this down in words, I was committing a Cardinal Sin against manhood myself.  But finally after some self-reflection and inner turmoil, I decided I would do it anyway.

There were so many unwritten rules that admittedly I wasn’t sure where to begin.  Eventually I realized that all of the unwrittens had the same things at their core.  I like to call them the 3 Golden Rules of Guy Code, the commandments if you will; the trifecta; the three-headed monster.

Read them ladies.  Understand them and be enlightened.

1.     No matter how much you may not like a guy, you should never speak badly about another man to a woman

This has several caveats; such as if domestic violence, abuse,  serious criminal activity, etc. is involved.  In that case true Guy Code call for serious action.  But in other cases let it be known it is downright bitchedness to talk badly about another man to a woman.  “He’s not really that….. or “I heard he’s…..”Those men that do this are the same guys that wear eyeliner and ask to be in your book club.  Their intentions vary but in many cases they are simply trying to make themselves look good at the expense of another dude.  Befriend them ladies if you want, but if you ever end up dating a man like this, his true inner woman will manifest itself in more ways than one.

2.     Never discuss another man’s sex life

At first glance I know what you’re thinking, “Who would do that?”  The answer is lots of guys who don’t respect Guy Code and are up to no good themselves.  Look deeper into this statement.  Like the previously mentioned rule above, this is another one of those “make me look good” sort of moves.  It’s a major violation of Guy Code and can have serious repercussions, especially if you’re discussing the sex life of a married man that doesn’t involve his wife.  I’ve said it before, I don’t advocate cheating or whatever, but people have a right to do what they want.  It’s not my duty to get in the middle of a married couple’s issues.  As far as Guy Code is concerned, “See No Evil, Speak No Evil.”

3.      What happens in (insert any city, state, municipality, house, etc.) stays in said place.  See rules 1 and 2.

And that’s it.  Quite simple actually, but like most things in life when emotions get involved, it always gets complicated.

Posted by Dishing With Dimitri on 2012-07-28 19:27:00

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